After a full on year of living in other people’s properties whilst caring for their pets I find myself back under the roof of my family home. According to an elderly and I suspect senile neighbour, I have been away to have a baby, which was news to me but might explain the cravings for dog biscuits I’ve been having, the charcoal ones are really good for wind I’ve been told?!

The roles of parent and child seem to have been reversed as I was kept awake into the small hours by my Mother’s radio as she enjoyed (I endured) some sort of Perry Combover style show! Payback possibly for all the late night tv I used to watch as a teenager?!

As December fast approaches I find myself struggling with a strange urge to re-enter the world that is Christmas Retail!!! There is no history of mental illness in our family so I can only put this disturbing frame of mind down to a hormonal imbalance due or to inhaling the flea powder whilst I liberally dusted the poodles the other week?!