Way-back-when I lived in Bohemian squalor with some alternative types, I was toying with the idea of forming a band, an imaginary band! I decided we would be called `Crevice’ when one of our inmates mentioned he’d like to snort Colombian nose candy from the crevices of nubile women!

We would often stand outside the elegantly decaying villa watching the new Mum’s smoking furiously as they passed by, pushing their prams up the road. This inspired the title for our first album, `Cigarettes for the Baby!' I mocked up an album cover of a fetus, holding a John Player.  It was suggested though, that wearing the image printed on a tee-shirt might not be a good idea if I didn’t want to be beaten senseless with a nappy-bag!

As we lived like students there was always a ready supply of toast and it came to pass that `Toast is Good’ became our debut single. We were an imaginary band so it didn’t matter that non of us could sing in tune or play an instrument of any sort!

Obviously, we would take the band on the road, kicking off the tour at the Guildford Guide Hut followed by other similar venues around the Country.

Hot on the heals of our success with  `Toast is Good’  would come our second single, `Underlying Onion!’  Onion, garlic, sandalwood and the smell of toasting bread being everyday odors in our house of multiple occupancy!

Of course our imaginary band went the way of all good bands, we had `artistic’ differences over the origins of a chocolate muffin and ended up going our separate ways.  Still, it was good while it lasted and we were legends all be it in our own lunch-time!

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